Sunday, July 18, 2010

Something old, something new, Something borrowed, something blue

Two years ago this day, I got married.

It was a ... hmm... a normal day. Everything about it was normal.
I wore a beautiful shari and was not looking my best (sigh), I never look my best when I want to.
Anyway, our house was full with our relatives and my mom was very tensed (as usual :D).
Then Reza (my husband) with his family came at 7 pm, and the electricity went off. That made my mom more tensed, why does the electricity go off every time Reza comes? Does it mean all the "lights" of her daughter's life will go off after the marriage?
Actually, at that time electricity used to go off at 7pm EVERYDAY! But who'd remind her that!

The Kazi came to me to sign the contract. He started saying (very loudly), "ঠাকুরগাঁও নিবাসী জনাব [my father-in-law] এর পুত্র মো আলিমুর রেজা এর পক্ষ হইতে [at this point I started laughing] মোহাম্মদী শরীয়ত মোতাবেক আপনি ঢাকা জেলা নিবাসী জনাব [my father] এর কননা সাদিয়া আফরোজকে বিবাহের প্রস্তাব করিতেসি. আপনি এই বিবাহে সম্মতি থাকিলে আপনের উকিলের মাধ্যমে বলেন Alhumdullillah." (Son of [my father-in-law] is proposing to marry you, daughter of [my dad]. Say Alhumdullillah if you accept the proposal.)

I was trying my best not to laugh. Everyone around me was so serious and expecting me to cry, they would feel weird if they saw me laughing. It was really puzzling, too. In all bengali movies, I heard people say "Kobul" (I agree) three times when they get married, but now I have to say "Alhumdullillah?" Do I have to say both Kobul and Alhumdullillah? Anyway, I said Alhumdullillah once and then signed the contract. Someone from the back said he didn't hear me saying Alhumdullillah, so the Kazi asked me to say it louder. I almost screamed "Alhumdullillah" and this time couldn't suppress my laugh.

Then the Kazi went to Reza and took his sign on the contract. And we got married !!! Just like that! I was still confused if that was all. So I asked my uncle, "Is that all? Am I married now?" I don't know what was wrong with my question or the way I asked it, he started laughing and kept telling everyone my peculiar question. And I was thinking, like 5 days ago, my family was so hush hush about our relationship and we were not allowed to hold hands or go out together and now everything is "legal" and permitted? Who made these rules??? Thanks God, I'm not marrying a stranger.

It took me a while to get used to the fact that we are married and it's OKAY to live with him. There were thousands of moments when I felt "Oh my god, if my mom catches me with Reza now, she is going to get very angry!" and then I remembered "Oh I'm married now!"

I wanted to finish this post with something cool. But I'm pretty slow in coming up with wonderful witty things, so let me finish with whatever in my mind right now.
Marriage is such a huge thing in our society, specially for girls, I never understood why. My parents never allowed my going out alone or hanging out with friends for long and they used to say, "Do all these after you are married." "You can go on tours with your husband." I've seen same things being told to many (all!) bengali girls along with other bullshits like "You can make your hair short if your husband likes, keep it longer till you get married." "You should put on make-ups and wear gold jewelry  after you get married, doing all these before marriage are not signs of a good girl." "Don't make a habit of spending money, what if your future husband doesn't like it?" "Don't be a dancer or singer, your future husband might not like it." "You shouldn't stay out in the sun too much, guys might not choose you to marry if your complexion is dark." As if a girl's life is going to start only after she gets married. And she has to shape herself so that society thinks she is going to be a "good" bride. Is a guy growing up shaping himself so that he can be a "good" husband? Society fills up our head with these fairy tales about a prince who marries a beautiful poor girl and makes her a queen. Is there any fairy tale about a queen marrying a poor boy and making him just her husband? There are many in real life but not in fairy tales. And also every time these stories are about "someone else will come to your life and make you happy," why don't they teach us that no one can make you happy unless you learn to make yourself happy?

May be they do, may be we need to grow up to realize the true meanings of those stories.

After my two years of married life, I think marriage is a wonderful experience that makes us grow up in many ways and teaches us to appreciate life. So, cheers to the constitution of marriage and cheers to whoever established this rule.


Awalin Sopan said...

dhora pore jabar voy r tar por mone pora j toder biye hoye gese .. :) moja lagse , ei same feelings er kotha ami aro oneker kasei shunsilam, infact amar cousin der kas thekeo .. r biyer time e na kanday tader ritimoto jhario khaite hoisilo ..
happy anniversary

Manabi said...

late happy anniversary bondhu :) I was also laughing after I signed the kabinnama.

sheetal said...

dhonnobaad bondhugon :D,
manu, ei kobul/alhumdullillah bola bapar ta asholei khub hasshokor

A. B. M. Kowser said...


about the queen part of your story, i think every boy is poor to their "her highness", and they are enriched by their queen.

anyway... wishes for u

sheetal said...

@Kowser: yeah, of course they do, only until they get married :D

anyway, in my blog my point was you are what you make yourself, not what others make you.

Gadfly said...

পড়ে অনেক মজা পেলাম। you really write very well.
thanks for sharing with us.


sheetal said...

:D thanks Riton.